Unsolicited Advice is Criticism

This is a lesson I have only recently learned. I had always thought I was being helpful when offering up things I had read or learned - and certainly that was my intent. Only recently did I start to appreciate the fact that when advice is unsolicited it may be perceived as criticism, regardless of the intent.

I'm sure you've all been there - the stranger in the supermarket who comments that you really shouldn't have your baby 'propped up' yet, or the childless friend who tells you how best to handle child discipline... These instances would annoy anyone. But even unsolicited advice from friends or family can be perceived as critical. And certainly that is where I have made mistakes. So, to all of you whom I have offered unsolicited advice I apologize, and I apologize in advance for those times I will forget and do it again (it is hard to break long time habits).

This is most important to remember when it comes to new parents. The other day a neighbour commented on how 'small' Alex is for her age and for someone who is being breastfed. This is someone who should know better, given she is a mother of two who struggled with breastfeeding with both her children, and should know the sensitivity around weight gain in infants. She went on to ask if perhaps she should be supplemented with formula and commented that most breastfed babies are chubby and clearly Alex is not.

Now, if you are going to offer unsolicited advice you should at the very least be accurate. Research clearly shows that breastfed babies tend to be leaner than formula fed babies. Additionally, Alex is in the 75th percentile for both height and weight, so she can't be that small... But I found her comments quite critical and they still managed to raise that self-doubt that mothers often have, "is she too small?".

I will use this situation to remind myself not to offer unsolicited advice... it is not always appreciated or helpful.