Differing Views on Discipline

"Be gentle with that, or you'll have to give it back"

"Be gentle with that, or you'll have to give it back"

"I've told you a few times now, stop doing that, or you'll have to give it back"

"Please be gentle with that..."

And it repeats over and over.

I bite my tongue. If that child were Owen he would have lost that toy after the second time I had to say it.

I am always interested in the different discipline approaches that parents adopt. From non-existent to harsh. Sometimes from the same parent who ignores most behaviour and then swoops in with an over-response.

I don't think there is a perfect way to discipline your kids. But I know we have all watched it when it doesn't work.

My favourite book on discipline is: Drawing the Line: Ten Steps to Constructive Discipline--and Achieving a Great Relationship with your Kids by Weiss, Wagner, and Goldberg.

Here is a very simplistic example:

Your toddler is banging his spoon on the table. You say: "Don't bang the table or I will take the spoon away." He bangs the table. So you take the spoon away and say "Why did I take the spoon away? Because you were banging it on the table. Do you want it back? But if you bang it on the table I will take it away." And you give the spoon back. He bangs it on the table and you repeat.

A couple of things you'll notice are different here. First of all, you follow through immediately - you don't say the same thing 12 times before actually taking the spoon away.

Second, you give it back and repeat the process over and over. This gives lots of learning opportunities. Had you taken away the spoon the first time and not given it back, it wouldn't be until the next meal that he would experience the same learning. The theory is that he will learn more quickly that he shouldn't bang his spoon on the table.

The book is well written and easy to read. It provides the rationale for the approach and offers step-by-step instructions on how to implement. They also use a lot of examples to make their points.

It won't be right for every parent, but it has worked wonders for us.

And since I believe that unsolicited advice is criticism, I held back on suggesting that parent above read this book 8-)