First Hours Alone

I left Alex alone twice in the last two weeks.

Well, technically not alone, she was with a babysitter. But in my mind, being without me or her father is like being alone.

I have left her with Nick. I have even left her with a sitter a few times at night, while she was asleep.

But these two times she was awake, with a stranger.

The first outing was a lunch downtown. The CEO of the company I work for was in town and taking everyone to lunch. I thought it would be a good career move to attend. Plus it was an adult lunch - which would be nice for a change.

As everyone was ordering dessert I was looking at my watch. Hmmmm... I thought I could leave her for longer. But I have this tugging feeling in my heart. I have felt there is something missing all lunch. I think I'll skip dessert... nothing non-dairy anyway.

The second outing was for a strategy meeting at work. Again, a good career move and I thought I could add value.

The whole meeting I kept thinking "Why am I here?"

Funny... your perspective totally changes when you have a new baby.

I got stuck in traffic on the way home. A fire. I was unable to move the car. Couldn't go back, couldn't go around, couldn't go forward.

I called home. I could hear the baby crying on the phone. "Did she take a bottle?" I dreaded hearing the answer "NO". "I'll be home as fast as I can."

With tears running down my face, I sat impatiently for the road to clear. I drove too fast to get home. Only when I had her in my arms did I feel calm again.

Work can wait. My career can survive. My baby is only a baby once...