There are a number of big differences between now and when Owen was a baby.
One obvious big difference is that I have one child already.
This means that 1) I do not have the same amount of time to focus just on Alex as I did on Owen. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing, and since I have kept Owen in daycare for the first few months, Alex has received plenty of one-on-one time.
And 2) I am a lot more comfortable with many of the things that stress you out when you have your first baby. (That is not to say that nothing is stressing me out, of course)
But the other REALLY big difference that I am feeling is the lack of a physically present support group. I have lots of emotional support and people I can call or email. But what is missing is the regular getting together of other mothers who are in the same stage as I am.
When Owen was born I suggested forming a Mom's group with a few of the other new Moms I had met in my prenatal fitness class. All of our babies were born within 2 months of one another. We were struggling with the same things at about the same time. It was fantastic!
We met once a week for a couple of hours. We rotated houses and were very flexible about when people arrived, how long they stayed, or if they came at all.
From our initial 5 people we grew to over 20 at one point.
As the babies grew, they started to play together. We started organizing a yearly summer BBQ and a trip to the Pumpkin Patch. We also started holding Mom's Night Out where we would get together without the kids and go for dinner.
As people headed back to work, the weekly get-togethers came to an end. But we still have our Mom's Night Out and our yearly events.
We also set-up a Yahoo Group where we continue to offer support to one another via email. Almost 5 years later (and second and third children) it is still an incredibly active group. It is the first place I go when I am struggling with something and need advice.
I cannot begin to describe the impact that this group of Mothers has had on me. It has made my life as a Mother so much easier. And it continues to do so in the virtual world. But I really miss getting together...
I've tried to do the same thing this time around, with some of the local Mothers I have met who have just had babies, but for some reason it isn't gaining traction. Perhaps because we are all second-time Moms.
I will keep trying. But in the meantime, I am incredibly thankful for the Westside Mommies.
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I'm also thankful for the support of the westsidemommies, and I wasn't even an original member :)
ReplyDeleteSame as you - while on my second mat leave, I notice a lot less gatherings of moms. Life just seems so busy, and trying to coordinate nap schedules, older children's schedules, etc, between several moms, seems nearly impossible.
Tara, almost brought tears to my eyes reading your post! I feel absolutely the same way and I have never stopped being so grateful for having met you and Nancy at Susi's. I miss our visits with our babies in their carseats; with the babies falling over each other when they started learning to sit; with the toddlers bumping into each other with their Frankenstein walks...
ReplyDeleteIt's been wonderful having such a caring and intelligent group of Moms to rely on. I am so lucky.
I do imagine once in awhile what it would be like to have our group meeting up again with this new round of babies but it would be more or less impossible with all our kids and their schedules.
Perhaps a Christmas gathering??
Okay, that one DID bring tears to my eyes! I also am so thankful for all of you and for how our connection has remained. I'm almost off work (3 more weeks!). Perhaps those of us who are home with little ones this year should start trying to get together sometimes again while our #1 kids are at daycare/preschool/school? It's worth a try, even once a month?
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