Owen is the type of kid who doesn't like his food touching on the plate. Carrots need to be separated from the chicken (which should not be 'saucy'), and heaven-forbid the chicken touch the rice. He doesn't eat combination foods - like a casserole or lasagne.
I'm not sure where he gets this from. But I try not to complain. He loves broccoli and most other vegetables. He eats a ton of fruit. He drinks gallons of milk. Overall, he is a good eater.
And last night - he tried a shrimp and LOVED it!! Our little boy is growing up.
I have used Ellyn Satter's feeding philosophy as my guide. Her books Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense and How to Get Your Kid to Eat... But Not Too Much are my feeding bibles.
The GI Clinic at BC Children's Hospital recommended the books and approach and it has made our lives so much easier - food has never been a battle.
The underlying premise of her approach is that there is a clear division of responsibility in feeding:
The parent determines the what, when, and where of feeding.
The child determines the how much and whether of eating.
Here's how it plays out at our house (for Owen).
We have 3 meals and 2 snacks a day - and I decide when these occur.
Other than breakfast, where we all tend to eat whatever we want since it is quick and easy, I simply make one meal for everyone. I try to accommodate what each of us likes/dislikes as much as possible, but we are all 'offered' the same foods.
Owen MUST come to the table and sit with us for awhile. He can choose how much he eats of whatever is being offered. Some meals he simply drinks his milk and eats some bread. When he is done, I remind him that there is nothing to eat until the next snack or meal and if he says he is done, he is done.
There is no 'just one last bite' or 'you have to finish what's on your plate' or 'you have to try that' or 'if you want dessert, you need to eat your broccoli'.
There is also no snacking between meals/snacks. If we finish lunch and 10 minutes later Owen says he is hungry, that is simply too bad. He never asks anymore - he has learned that he must eat when food is offered, or he will go without.
When we started this, I had to sit on my hands not to encourage him to eat. It is parental nature to want your kids to eat. But I learned that whenever we 'fell off the wagon' and got too pushy about eating, he would actually eat less.
This approach only works if you trust that your kids will 1) not let themselves starve, and 2) know what they need. After reading her book you will understand why this is true.
You will also learn why forcing kids to finish their plate only teaches them to stop listening to their body signs of being full. You'll learn why it makes sense to offer dessert at the same time as dinner (instead of after). You'll learn that your kids don't really need to eat that much to get their nutritional requirements. And hopefully you will learn to relax and make meals what they should be: a pleasant family activity.
Owen has proven every concept that Ellyn Satter outlines in her book. Particularly how it takes some kids 10 or 20 exposures to a food before even trying it. This is why I am excited that he tried the shrimp. Over the last few weeks he has become more adventurous in trying foods he has refused to try in the past.
Thank you Ellyn Satter!
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Eating...the challenge in our house.
ReplyDeleteSo what do you do about dessert? Do you usually have dessert? Our family typically has yogurt for dessert. On the nights that Owen only has bread and milk, does he get dessert? Anouk will say she isn't hungry when supper is on her plate, but suddenly, when yogurt comes out, she is hungry again...
What Ellyn Satter would say is this: you control how much dessert is given to the child - so while you can have seconds and thirds of any other thing in the meal, you can only have the amount of dessert initially offered. BUT you give the dessert with the meal - not afterwards. So, if Anouk decides to eat all of her yogurt and no other food, that would be fine with her. This sounds odd, I know. But what most kids will do when dessert is held to the end is either do what Anouk does and say she is not hungry but then want dessert, or over-eat because they need to finish what is on their plate and still eat dessert. Owen will eat a few bites of dessert and then a few bites of broccoli, then a few more bites of dessert... we have learned to eat the way we do as adults (and many of us will over-eat). I have found that he eats WAY more overall if dessert comes with dinner, compared to when we are out somewhere and dessert is given after (but anticipated).
ReplyDeleteLast night, in fact, Owen and I were out at a fair. He was promised ice cream and we were to eat dinner. We bought both at the same time. He ate his ice cream first and then ate all of his chicken. Go figure!!
I just checked the book to see if there was anything to add. She says that by delaying dessert you teach the child that dessert is far more desirable than vegetables (or anything else in the meal).
ReplyDeleteShe also says to make dessert something nutritious (we usually have fruit) the majority of the time (which yogurt is).
Thanks Tara! I did read some of Ellyn Satter's book when Anouk started on solids, but just borrowed it from the library. Really appreciate you picking out the relevant points. I'm going to start trying to serve dessert at the same time!
ReplyDeleteGood summary of Sattar's books. I never fully read them, just skimmed, but we mostly follow this approach as well, although not always as strictly as we probably should. I find myself falling off the wagon sometimes though, especially holidays and when traveling, when we're on a different routine or sometimes when we're at someone elses house. We have taught Devon to say, "my belly is full" when he feels he has had enough. I find this works well and helps him to pay attention to what matters, if he has eaten enough to fill him. Sometimes I feel he says it only because he wants to get down and play... but that's how he learns, I guess.
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